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We need some new political posistions filled.

September 13th, 2006 by

I have decided to replace the president. vice president, the cabinet, speaker of the house and the supreme court justices. not because they are doing a bad job per say, but because I don’t think there has ever been one that everyone has been happy with. The following list is my suggestions, but you should submit your own if you can come up with someone better, under the comments section. If I like your choice better, I will replace mine. It will be like a contest except with no prizes. O.k. so here we go. No rules anyone alive or dead, or hell even fictional works here.

President: The presidents job is to oversee their cabinet. They are also the commander and cheif of the entire armed forces of one of the most powerful countries in the world. I think Ghandi would fit the bill nicely, I mean who dosen’t like Ghandi. Evil jerks that’s who.

Vice President: The vice president is in charge of all vices, also they get to cast the tie breaking vote in the senate, if that ever happens. To make all the evil jerks happy we are gonna have to get some one evil, so I’m gonna go with Frank, the scary giant rabbit from Donnie Darko.

Secretary of State: Deals with foreign affairs, so we are gonna get a foreigner for this one. My choice is John Cleese, his british and from Monty Python.

Secretary of the Treasury: concerned with finance and monetary matters. Mr. Moneybags, you know the old guy who on the monolpoly board, we will have to teach him the difference between real money and monopoly money though.

Secretary of Defense:concerned with the armed services and military matters. General Patton, either the real one or George C. Scott whichever will work for cheaper.

Attorny General: concerned with legal affairs and is the chief law enforcement officer of the United States Goverment. Robocop.

Secretary of the Interior: The Department of the Interior oversees such agencies as the Bureau of Indian Affairs, the United States Geological Survey, and the National Park Service. I had orginally picked Martha Stewart because I thought Interior meant Interior Decorating… So someone better come up with someone better.

Secretary of Agriculture: concerned with land and food as well as agriculture and rural development. Mr. Peanut, he can communicate with other plants and translate for us humans, we can learn what they want to make them grow better.

Secretary of Commerce: concerned with business and industry. Whom ever invented Pet Rocks. If he can sell those he can sell anything.

Secretary of Labor: Decides on decisions for the department and enforces and creates laws involving unions, the workplace and all other issues involving any from of bussiness-person contraversies. Dr. Phil McGraw, I don’t really like this guy but he is good at telling others what they should do, without doing anything himself or knowing what he’s talking about. He’s like a super boss.

Secretary of Housing and Urban Devlopment: Concerned with urban housing matters. Chris Rock, will design some killa’ cribs, and devlope some bitchin’ hoods.

Secretary of Transportation: Concerned with transport. Optimus Prime, he is both a person (kind of) and a transportation vehicle. Plus he would get us the robot vote. Robocop used to be human so most robots resent him.

Secretary of Energy: Is concerned with energy production and regulation. Magneto, if he can alter the electro-magnetic field of the earth, he can produce infinite energy, for mere dollars a day, what ever it takes to keep him well fed.

Secretary of Health and Human Services: concerned with health matters. Richard Simmons, that man is so over-exuberant about people loosing weight, if we put him on t.v. everyday he will shame people into being healthy.

Secretary of Education: Concerned with education. Dr. Stephen Hawkings, the most brilliant man ever. Plus he has a robo-voice.

Secretary of Veterans Affairs: the department concerned with veterans’ benefits and related matters. Senator John McCain, he is a veteran plus a POW, also he is republican and I like him. That takes talent.

Secretary of Homeland Security: The body concerned with protecting the American homeland and the safety of American citizens. Chuck Norris, have you seen that list of Chuck Norris facts? He will kill any who fuck with us, all by himself.

Speaker of the House: The presiding officer of the lower house of Congress, the House of Represenitives. Socrates, philosopher, plus he used to talk with his mouth full of pebbles over the sound of the ocean, just to practice his oratory skills (at least I think that who did that, if not I change my choice to the pebble guy).

President Pro Tempe: The guy who takes the vice presidents place if he can’t be at a senate meeting. So I’m going with Harvey the six foot tall, pink, invisible rabbit that only Jimmy Stewart could see in the movie Harvey.

The Supreme Court Justices:Highest Judical body in the United States and leads the judical branch of the United States Federal Goverment. All Justices will be from Star Trek,at least mine will yours can be whom ever you want. Chief Justice: “Q”. The rest are: Spock, Worf, Quark, Odo, Lwaxana Troi, Neelix, Seven of Nine, and Jadzia Dax. There all aliens because this way they can seperate themselves from the human condition, I know Spock is half-human, but the other half is Vulcan, and That Seven-of-Nine is now human, but we need one smoking Judge going to jail for life wouldn’t be as bad if she told you.

So there you go that who we are looking forward to, send me you choices, you don’t have to do the whole list. After i get enough I will post the results.

2 Responses to “We need some new political posistions filled.”

  1. Chris Icon Says:

    Pres: Jon Stewert. Th eonly man funny enough to take the office seroiusly.

    VP: Chandra North ( She’s a Super Model). VP is a poser job. Might as well have a good looking one.

    SoS: Sargent Slaughter. We need that kind of straight forward mannor and good standing morals to set an example for the rest of the world.

    SoD: The central city thinking machine that killed all the humans in the matrix trilogy. That thing is sooo fucking good at killing shit and making shit work at all cost.

    SoT: Bill Gates. He has a shitload of money. I’m sure he is used to handling it.

    Speaker of the House: Bill Nye the Science Guy. The guy can explain anything in laymens terms.

    I don’t really care about the other stuff so I’ll just let my dog molly take care of the rest. She’s not very smart but has the heart to follow through with what she puts her mind to.

  2. David Says:

    President: Cloud. Plain and simple. Speaks seldom and wields a big sword. Plus he is a veteran (ex-Soldier) with leadership experience (Avalanche) and is environmentally conscious (saving the planet and all that). To top it off his Genova cells give him mind influencing powers to change memories and make people identify with him. Perfect commander and chief

    Vice President: What this ticket needs is someone to get the votes of all the people that don’t like video games or sword slinging badasses. The best choice is Jesus Christ. His fan club is bigger than Arnold’s and he got voted as the governator of a state so blue it is almost indigo, so with Jesus on the ticket we can’t lose. His resume also says he has plenty of experience taking the fall for other peoples screw ups and can be practically crucified in the media to get the administration out of a tight PR spot.

    Secretary of State: Ronald McDonald. The rest of the world sees the golden arches as our de facto embassy already, just keep the cultural takeover ball rolling. Plus it focuses his bad food abroad and spares decent Americans.

    Secretary of Treasury: Captain Morgan, because who better to mind a treasure than a pirate, yarr!

    Secretary of Defense: Julius Caesar, the man single handedly conquered the whole of the Roman Empire from Spain to Egypt, Italy to Britain all after he turned 35. While the rest of the world is clogging their arteries with Big Macs we will triple our territory before the 8 years are up, no problem. In addition he was a consummate politician so can navigate the Washington red tape and a outstanding orator (yeah someone actually capable of selling the public a war and making us believe it is really worth fighting; Wouldn’t it be grand)

    Attorney General: Perry Mason, greatest TV lawyer of all time. Enron execs would know what hit them if we had a lawyer that always saved the day with relevant evidence.

    Secretary of the Interior: Ranger Rick, He has his own environment magazine that teaches kids to be good to the environment and wildlife. And he is a raccoon.

    Secretary of Agriculture: Johnny Appleseed, good old-fashioned American folk hero with agriculture experience coming out his American Pie hole.

    Secretary of Commerce: Lucifer, he already owns the souls and pulls the strings of the majority of the successful and powerful people in corporate America anyway, let’s just cut out the middle man. Plus we cater to anyone who might feel outcast by the choice of VP.

    Secretary of Labor: “The Dude” Lebowski. Maybe not the most energetic choice but still his lifestyle seemed both sustainable and a lot easier than most of our jobs.

    Secretary of Housing and Urban Development: Will Wright, the designer of the Sim City series and the Sims. Enough said.

    Secretary of Transportation: Q from 007, who can honestly say they haven’t wished for a car with rocket launchers in the headlights

    Secretary of Education: Michael Jackson, a pop superstar is just the thing to get kids excited about learning.

    Supreme Court: Chief justice Yoda, Spock, Gandalf the Grey (so much nicer than white), Professor X, Michael Jordan, King Arthur, Martin Luther King, Confucius, Jessica Fletcher (of Murder She Wrote)