Vice President: What this ticket needs is someone to get the votes of all the people that don’t like video games or sword slinging badasses. The best choice is Jesus Christ. His fan club is bigger than Arnold’s and he got voted as the governator of a state so blue it is almost indigo, so with Jesus on the ticket we can’t lose. His resume also says he has plenty of experience taking the fall for other peoples screw ups and can be practically crucified in the media to get the administration out of a tight PR spot.

Secretary of State: Ronald McDonald. The rest of the world sees the golden arches as our de facto embassy already, just keep the cultural takeover ball rolling. Plus it focuses his bad food abroad and spares decent Americans.

Secretary of Treasury: Captain Morgan, because who better to mind a treasure than a pirate, yarr!

Secretary of Defense: Julius Caesar, the man single handedly conquered the whole of the Roman Empire from Spain to Egypt, Italy to Britain all after he turned 35. While the rest of the world is clogging their arteries with Big Macs we will triple our territory before the 8 years are up, no problem. In addition he was a consummate politician so can navigate the Washington red tape and a outstanding orator (yeah someone actually capable of selling the public a war and making us believe it is really worth fighting; Wouldn’t it be grand)

Attorney General: Perry Mason, greatest TV lawyer of all time. Enron execs would know what hit them if we had a lawyer that always saved the day with relevant evidence.

Secretary of the Interior: Ranger Rick, He has his own environment magazine that teaches kids to be good to the environment and wildlife. And he is a raccoon.

Secretary of Agriculture: Johnny Appleseed, good old-fashioned American folk hero with agriculture experience coming out his American Pie hole.

Secretary of Commerce: Lucifer, he already owns the souls and pulls the strings of the majority of the successful and powerful people in corporate America anyway, let’s just cut out the middle man. Plus we cater to anyone who might feel outcast by the choice of VP.

Secretary of Labor: “The Dude” Lebowski. Maybe not the most energetic choice but still his lifestyle seemed both sustainable and a lot easier than most of our jobs.

Secretary of Housing and Urban Development: Will Wright, the designer of the Sim City series and the Sims. Enough said.

Secretary of Transportation: Q from 007, who can honestly say they haven’t wished for a car with rocket launchers in the headlights

Secretary of Education: Michael Jackson, a pop superstar is just the thing to get kids excited about learning.

Supreme Court: Chief justice Yoda, Spock, Gandalf the Grey (so much nicer than white), Professor X, Michael Jordan, King Arthur, Martin Luther King, Confucius, Jessica Fletcher (of Murder She Wrote)

VP: Chandra North ( She’s a Super Model). VP is a poser job. Might as well have a good looking one.

SoS: Sargent Slaughter. We need that kind of straight forward mannor and good standing morals to set an example for the rest of the world.

SoD: The central city thinking machine that killed all the humans in the matrix trilogy. That thing is sooo fucking good at killing shit and making shit work at all cost.

SoT: Bill Gates. He has a shitload of money. I’m sure he is used to handling it.

Speaker of the House: Bill Nye the Science Guy. The guy can explain anything in laymens terms.

I don’t really care about the other stuff so I’ll just let my dog molly take care of the rest. She’s not very smart but has the heart to follow through with what she puts her mind to.